Ch-ch-ch Changes

I haven’t been writing much lately – which means that I haven’t been doing so well.  I don’t like to write about all the stuff I’ve been doing wrong, because if I don’t talk about it, it’s easier to ignore it.  I’m nervous, because I’m falling into old habits to a certain degree – grabbing handfuls of nuts and not counting them, permitting myself “free days” and the worst one: eating in secret.

On Saturday, Jman’s parents came over for dinner – I made duck confit and a caramel apple tart – delicious. I *did* overindulge, but not to a ridiculous extent.  That is until the next day.  When I finished up the remaining half of the tart, and about a half cup +++ of caramel sauce.  Did I mention the caramel sauce ingredients? Brown sugar, butter, cream. Nothing else.

But I exercized Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Thursday and somehow I’m down 0.8 kg/2 lbs.  That makes my total loss so far almost 16 lbs, and for some reason I thought I would have started noticing changes in my body by now.  I’m a sucker for a quick fix – and while I do feel like my pants fit (a little) better, I’m not seeing any difference when I look in the mirror.  I was reading a post by Bitch Cakes today, and she’s had an incredible transformation and is so proud of her body (with good reason).  Obviously, she’s been on this journey for ages longer than me – I suppose I’m just impatient.  I really hope that I will one day be able to look in the mirror and feel proud rather than embarrassed, critical and sad.

When I did Weight Watchers at university, I did it for 6 weeks.  I consistenly lost 2 lbs per week, but I suddenly just stopped going. Why? I have no idea. I found that keeping track of calories was too much work; I had a few slip-ups and somehow justified to myself that that was a good reason to go have a dozen wings and a pitcher of beer.  At the end of that stint I was 158 lbs; 22 lbs less than I weigh today.

I’ve now been doing the healthier thing for 5 weeks – and I solemnly promise that I will NOT throw in the towel after 6.  I’m not going to get healthy overnight, but if I stick with this, I will eventually be in the “Normal” BMI category (rather than the “Overweight” one).   I am no longer “OBESE”, and I never EVER intend to be again.


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